Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
