i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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