we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
