I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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