I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
