She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
