Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
