I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
