I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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