i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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