is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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