What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
