Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
