you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
