Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
