Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
