Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
