he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
