Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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