I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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