its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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