I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
