a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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