You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
