In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
