i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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