Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
