that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
