i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
