Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
