I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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