she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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