That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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