we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
