Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
