this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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