I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
