My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
