the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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