8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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