Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
