No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
