I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
