his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
