The maid of honor just puked.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize