How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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