ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
