dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
