hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
