sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
