Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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