So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
