Buhtt sex?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
