I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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