i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
