What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
