I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
