I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
