sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
