mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
