i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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