I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
