Will you blow on my dice?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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