We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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