so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
