you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
