Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
