the condom got lost in my hair
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
