And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
