I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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