he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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