Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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