Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
