I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
