My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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