She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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